30 days

So my friend Tracie has been doing these fun 30 day challenges and I have loved them. Last month we did the 30 day shred and this month we have set 5 of our own goals. I have been doing pretty good on it and I bought Jilllian Michaels ripped in 30. I love working out but my real challenge is food. No matter what my plan is I really have a hard time following through. So when I got this dvd, Jillian included a monthly eating plan and it is actually pretty realistic. I haven't done it yet but today I decided that starting tomorrow I am giving her 30 days. I will be doing the workout dvd everyday but Sunday and I am going to do her eating plan. It really is doable. If anyone else wants to take a look at the plan it is on www.jillianmichaels.com/rippedin30mealplan. So I may be posting a few of my thoughts and struggles on here for the next 30 days. I am hoping by putting it out there I will have the strength to do it.

BTW if any of you have any advice about night time eating I really could use some. That is my worst time of day.

Testimony

So as many as you know I have a huge fear of speaking in front of people. I won't pray, speak or bear my testimony in front of people.

Today I had a aha moment about the atonement and I want to share or at least write it down so I can remember at times when I forget what Christ has done for us.

I am not a good writer so bear with me. Many know I have struggled with certain relationships in my life. I have held onto a lot of hurt, pain and resentment. I didn't live a perfect life and have made mistakes in my life. I went through a repentance process for one of my mistakes and I knew in my heart my heavenly father had forgiven me, however I couldn't forgive myself. Not for the sin per say, I really could care less about that but the outcome of it. How my life is because of it. Nothing was the way I had planned my life to be. I never felt loved, wanted etc as a result of it. So I was mad, angry and full of resentment. I was quick to judge a person in my life and never let him in. I always had a wall up and I wasn't going to believe anything he said because I was hurt. I wanted something that was never going to happen, It couldn't there was no way to change the past. So I have lived 12 years mad at my life.

Well when you are in a relationship and always mad it makes life harder and life was getting unbearable. I didn't know if it was going to make it. I was talking to a friend of mine who is going to therapy right now and she said to me. You know what Ms. ? would say. She would say "how long, how long do you need to be mad about this? 10 min, 3 months, a year, Take the time and then let it go. There is nothing you can do to change it. Let it go." So I thought about it for a long time and realized that I am the reason my relationship is failing. I have to let this go. Start over, reconnect with who we are now.

Well I apologized for always having a wall up for never giving him a chance. For not just giving us a chance. I told him I was done, holding on to something that was ruining my life. We are starting over.

Things have been so much better. I never really thought about it until today when I was saying a prayer in the shower. I was thanking my heavenly father for the peace that has been in our home for the last 3 months or so. I was reflecting and when I thought about my past there was NO hurt, NO pain, NO resentment, NO regret, No hate. I have never felt that way before and I realized then that he took it from me. Like everyone has talked about. My heavenly father took my pain. He took the thing I couldn't let go of for so many years and now I can move on. I can grow and love again. I am so grateful for this experience, sad that it took me so long to realize that my savior just wanted me to give it to him but so happy that I finally did.

I don't talk much about my testimony, I don't ever want to offend those who don't believe what I do, but I do believe. I know my savior loves me, he died for me. He WANTS us all to be happy. He took my pain away. I love him.

I am still me, imperfect in so many ways but my heart is full of love for him.

Seven Peaks, I could scream!

So I hate Seven Peaks. My kids love it. They have so much fun, but really they only had fun because my mom and sister were there, otherwise they would have been miserable standing in lines half the time. It took us 20 minutes to park at seven peaks, 60 minutes to stand in line to get into the park because they don't allow food inside so they check all your bags. So frustrating. Then my mom stood in line to get tubes for 1 1/2 hours while the kids played with me and Christine. Then I literally stood in line to get pizza for 2 hours. It was so ridiculous but all the food lines were insane because everyone has to buy their food and they are completely understaffed. Let's just say I wasn't happy. If it wasn't for the fact that the kids could still play while some adult stood in line I would have gone crazy. They kids do love the place and I guess that is all that matters in the end.

Peace and Quiet

Hill AFB Aerospace Museum

So on our drive up to Logan forever ago we passed the Hill Air Force Base Aerospace Museum like we have many times but we decided to actually stop. My kids were in heaven. It was very cool. If you have never been before you should go. It is free and the planes are amazing. It is fun to see a little bit of our history.

Motor Cross Baby

Jake loves his motorcycle clothes. He wants to wear them everyday. It is killing me. I can't get the clothes clean and the minute he sees them in the dryer he is pulling them out and redressing himself. He does look cute though.

My baby!

Everytime I look at him I can't believe this is it. He is growing up so fast. I am enjoying him so much. His laugh, how he talks, the way he pulls faces. Everything seems cuter and funnier to me and my guess is because I know he is my last.