Breaking through the walls

So I have had 3 weigh ins at weight watchers and today I am down 10 pounds. I am so excited because I so have not felt deprived at all. I have been here before, the first 10 pounds are usually fairly easy and then I self sabotage. I am not sure exactly why, I feel comfortable and relax a little, I feel I don't deserve to be healthy for some insane reason, I guess it comes down to not loving myself enough to continue. I love that I am aware this time around of my past slip ups and I am going to focus big time this week on going through that wall that has plagued me for years. I am so excited to succeed this week.

I really feel that this time is different. I have felt more secure about who I am and that I am good enough. That my weight doesn't define me. That my friends are my friends no matter what I weigh.

I have had so much support from friends and family. Thanks to all of you for being there for me and helping me realize I deserve this. It really means the world to me that you guys want me to succeed and be happy.

Update

So I ended up not doing so well on the Jillian Michaels food plan. I don't have the best self control which is why I am in this mess in the first place. Anyway what I have realized is I have to choose a food plan that I truely can stick to for the rest of my life. I have to be able to have a piece of chocolate every day if I want to. When I deprive myself of anything I want to binge and that doesn't work for me. I have done weight watchers in the past and it has worked for me. So I have chosen to do it again. I have done it for a week now and when I weighed in yesterday I had dropped 5 pounds. I know the initial weight loss is bigger than I will get next week but I loved the program. I never felt deprived. I ate easter candy, ice cream, salads, soups, whatever I felt like, I just had to track it. I never felt deprived. There is no such thing as a quick fix, believe me I have tried them all from atkins to hcg. Yes you lose weight fast and it feels great but it isn't realistic for me to eat that way forever. I have to learn to make right choices, and this works for me. I have great friends who are so supportive of me in anything that I choose. Thanks so much to all of you.

I still love the workouts though. I have been doing more walking which has helped me get my steps in daily but you can't beat Jillians kick butt routines and since hers is only 25 minutes, you can do both.

Thanks all for the support. You guys ROCK!!!

30 days

So my friend Tracie has been doing these fun 30 day challenges and I have loved them. Last month we did the 30 day shred and this month we have set 5 of our own goals. I have been doing pretty good on it and I bought Jilllian Michaels ripped in 30. I love working out but my real challenge is food. No matter what my plan is I really have a hard time following through. So when I got this dvd, Jillian included a monthly eating plan and it is actually pretty realistic. I haven't done it yet but today I decided that starting tomorrow I am giving her 30 days. I will be doing the workout dvd everyday but Sunday and I am going to do her eating plan. It really is doable. If anyone else wants to take a look at the plan it is on www.jillianmichaels.com/rippedin30mealplan. So I may be posting a few of my thoughts and struggles on here for the next 30 days. I am hoping by putting it out there I will have the strength to do it.

BTW if any of you have any advice about night time eating I really could use some. That is my worst time of day.

Testimony

So as many as you know I have a huge fear of speaking in front of people. I won't pray, speak or bear my testimony in front of people.

Today I had a aha moment about the atonement and I want to share or at least write it down so I can remember at times when I forget what Christ has done for us.

I am not a good writer so bear with me. Many know I have struggled with certain relationships in my life. I have held onto a lot of hurt, pain and resentment. I didn't live a perfect life and have made mistakes in my life. I went through a repentance process for one of my mistakes and I knew in my heart my heavenly father had forgiven me, however I couldn't forgive myself. Not for the sin per say, I really could care less about that but the outcome of it. How my life is because of it. Nothing was the way I had planned my life to be. I never felt loved, wanted etc as a result of it. So I was mad, angry and full of resentment. I was quick to judge a person in my life and never let him in. I always had a wall up and I wasn't going to believe anything he said because I was hurt. I wanted something that was never going to happen, It couldn't there was no way to change the past. So I have lived 12 years mad at my life.

Well when you are in a relationship and always mad it makes life harder and life was getting unbearable. I didn't know if it was going to make it. I was talking to a friend of mine who is going to therapy right now and she said to me. You know what Ms. ? would say. She would say "how long, how long do you need to be mad about this? 10 min, 3 months, a year, Take the time and then let it go. There is nothing you can do to change it. Let it go." So I thought about it for a long time and realized that I am the reason my relationship is failing. I have to let this go. Start over, reconnect with who we are now.

Well I apologized for always having a wall up for never giving him a chance. For not just giving us a chance. I told him I was done, holding on to something that was ruining my life. We are starting over.

Things have been so much better. I never really thought about it until today when I was saying a prayer in the shower. I was thanking my heavenly father for the peace that has been in our home for the last 3 months or so. I was reflecting and when I thought about my past there was NO hurt, NO pain, NO resentment, NO regret, No hate. I have never felt that way before and I realized then that he took it from me. Like everyone has talked about. My heavenly father took my pain. He took the thing I couldn't let go of for so many years and now I can move on. I can grow and love again. I am so grateful for this experience, sad that it took me so long to realize that my savior just wanted me to give it to him but so happy that I finally did.

I don't talk much about my testimony, I don't ever want to offend those who don't believe what I do, but I do believe. I know my savior loves me, he died for me. He WANTS us all to be happy. He took my pain away. I love him.

I am still me, imperfect in so many ways but my heart is full of love for him.

Seven Peaks, I could scream!

So I hate Seven Peaks. My kids love it. They have so much fun, but really they only had fun because my mom and sister were there, otherwise they would have been miserable standing in lines half the time. It took us 20 minutes to park at seven peaks, 60 minutes to stand in line to get into the park because they don't allow food inside so they check all your bags. So frustrating. Then my mom stood in line to get tubes for 1 1/2 hours while the kids played with me and Christine. Then I literally stood in line to get pizza for 2 hours. It was so ridiculous but all the food lines were insane because everyone has to buy their food and they are completely understaffed. Let's just say I wasn't happy. If it wasn't for the fact that the kids could still play while some adult stood in line I would have gone crazy. They kids do love the place and I guess that is all that matters in the end.

Peace and Quiet

Hill AFB Aerospace Museum

So on our drive up to Logan forever ago we passed the Hill Air Force Base Aerospace Museum like we have many times but we decided to actually stop. My kids were in heaven. It was very cool. If you have never been before you should go. It is free and the planes are amazing. It is fun to see a little bit of our history.

Motor Cross Baby

Jake loves his motorcycle clothes. He wants to wear them everyday. It is killing me. I can't get the clothes clean and the minute he sees them in the dryer he is pulling them out and redressing himself. He does look cute though.

My baby!

Everytime I look at him I can't believe this is it. He is growing up so fast. I am enjoying him so much. His laugh, how he talks, the way he pulls faces. Everything seems cuter and funnier to me and my guess is because I know he is my last.

Jake is MAD!

So my son Jake gets naked when he gets pissed. He does it at church, grocery stores, anywhere. He just got done screaming about 5 minutes ago because I made him give back a shirt to one of Wyatt's friends and I just found him outside in the cold NAKED!

recipe blog

Okay this is for Mel. I am doing another blog with recipes that I have tried. The blog is www.jewelswhatsfordinner.blogspot.com

Don't expect anything fantastic. I am not gourmet but I do like to try new things. I hope you enjoy it.

Yummy Cinnamon Rolls

My friend Allison posted these cinnamon rolls so I had to try it. I knew it had to be good for her to make it and boy it is. I have never made cinnamon rolls because they take forever but it wasn't that bad. Everyone at home absolutely LOVED them. Enjoy!

Vanilla Pudding Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Frosting
Rolls:
½ cup warm water
2 tablespoons active dry yeast
2 tablespoons sugar
3 ½ ounce package instant vanilla pudding
½ cup butter, melted
2 eggs
1 teaspoon salt
6+ cups flour

Filling:
1 cup butter, softened to room temperature
2 cups brown sugar
4 teaspoons cinnamon

Frosting:
8 ounces cream cheese
½ cup butter, softened to room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups powdered sugar
2-3 tablespoons milk

In a small bowl combine water, yeast and sugar. Stir until dissolved. Set aside. In large bowl, take pudding mix and prepare according to package directions. Add butter, eggs and salt. Mix well. Then add yeast mixture. Blend. Gradually add flour; knead until smooth. Do not overflour the dough! It should be very soft but not sticky. Place in a greased bowl. Cover and let rise until doubled. Then roll out on floured board to 34 X 21 inches in size. Take 1 cup soft butter and spread over surface. In bowl, mix 2 cups brown sugar and 4 teaspoons cinnamon. Sprinkle over the top. Roll up very tightly. With knife put a notch every 1 1/2 inches. Cut with thread or serrated knife. Place on lightly greased cookie sheet 1 inch apart. Cover and let rise until double again. Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes. Remove when they start to turn golden (don’t overbake). Frost warm rolls with cream cheese frosting (combine butter and cream cheese and mix well, then add vanilla and sugar and mix again, then add milk for desired consistency). Makes about 24 very large rolls.

WORK!WORK!WORK!

The boys love to help their dad work!

Entertainment

This kept Jake entertained for at least 45 minutes.

Snowboarding!

Max turned 10 on Monday so Fred took work off and we let the boys take off school so Fred could take them snowboarding. It was their first time and Max was so excited to try out his birthday present. Fred said they just went straight down and then would crash at the bottom. They had no interest in learning to turn they just wanted speed. They had so much fun and can't wait to go again. I need to take lessons because I am not as fearless as they are.

Family Pics

So I am finally posting the FABULOUS pics that Brenda took. She did an amazing job. Thanks Brenda!!!

Bryce Canyon Part 1

My cute boys in front of one of the amazing things to see here in Bryce Canyon. We got to go there for a couple of days with all my siblings except Bill and Arycca. We missed them. We had such a fun time except for a very cranky old man from California, but hey what can you do. We stayed at this awesome place about 10 minutes out of Bryce and loved it. I will definately be doing this again. The kids did so well, I love that they are getting older so we can do fun stuff like this and not have to worry so much about what they are doing.
Roger and Fred carrying the two little ones on their shoulders. So CUTE!
My sweet Max. He is so good to me.
Fred goofing off where he shouldn't be. He wasn't setting a good example for Jake. He tried to follow him down where he was.
My sister and her cute family Roger, Kylie and Kendall.

It was so beautiful. I can't believe I have lived here most my life and have never been here.

AWWWWW!!

I love these kind of photos.

Midway

We went up to Midway for a weekend in June. We had such a wonderful time. This is the view from the balcony of my grandpa's condo. I love just sitting on the porch swing, feeling the breeze and listening to the cows. As long as I can't smell them I am good.
There is a pond up from where we stay that we went fishing in. The first thing Max caught was a duck. It fought Fred for a minute but then was happy he was going to help him out.




Jake did end up falling in the lake but was fine. I loved that I was right when I said he will fall in if you let him get that close. But "NO!!!" I don't know what I am talking about. I love being proven right even if it means my son is sad for a minute. ( This isn't the picture of him falling in )


There is this amazing place to eat and of course I can't remember the name right now but it has the best pizza. It is authentic Italian pizza so you don't order pepperoni. This was a chicken and pesto, with basil, spinach leaves and roasted pine nuts. It was to die for.
We took a drive up the beautiful canyon. We are surrounded by so much beauty. I love Midway, it is so peaceful and relaxing. On our way home we stopped at Granny's for the best shakes ever.